I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
