When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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