I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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