thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
