I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
