Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i think my mom watched the whole time
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
