Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
