bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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