My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
