I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
