its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
