also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
