This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
