pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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