Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
