I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
