TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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