Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
