12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
