i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
