Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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