worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
