i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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