so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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