Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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