is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
