Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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