Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
