singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
