You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
