I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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