Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
