he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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