too bad you live with your parents still
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
