I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
