if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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