I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
