This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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