I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
