She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
