We named our party play list daddy issues
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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