I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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