You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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