Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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