Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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