this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
