You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
