the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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