she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
