Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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