Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
