If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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