im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
