We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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