You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
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