I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
