she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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